I have gotten to the point where I cannot distinguish one day from another. I didn’t realize it was Thursday – I only knew I had to be at work at 12 pm and that there was a lecture about Connie Willis‘s heroes at 9 pm at the Olamot Science Fiction and Fantasy Festival (sponsored by the Tolkien Society of Israel and the Israeli Science Fiction and Fantasy Guild). I went. It was the most normal thing I did this month, which is really saying something as a larger collection of fashion-clueless, absurdly costumed geeks I haven’t seen in a long time. Tomorrow is the first day off in over a week. The next day I work at 12 pm. The next day I have a doctor’s appointment. That’s how it goes.
Why have I become this clueless zombie? Work and Passover. We all complain about work. Yet, I don’t hate what I do. It’s just quite physically taxing, and my hours are long. It can be demoralizing being a glorified waitress sometimes, but I’m getting over it. I hope. I’m quite proud of myself, I do have to admit. It’s Passover, and pre-holiday wine sales are madness. Wine sales the day before and of Passover are the highest of the year. In fact I think most of the wine in the country is sold in those few days – but don’t quote me – I would need to find the stats. In any case, I played my part admirably. My sales for my winery were beyond fantastic, and for the most part, I had a great time. Along with the wine bar work, I believe I worked I worked 45 hours in 4 days. The haze I’m in is interesting. The meaning of life, or rather, the search thereof, eludes me these days. I don’t feel like reading at all. I feel like I’m floating and not quite living. Things like bills and taxes can wait, and I’m glad I’m not freaking…but this zombie phase has got to end. Soon. I want to look forward to reading a book, seeing friends with any sort of regularity, putting at least some attention into my studies (which I’ve basically abandoned for the last 3 weeks due to exhaustion), and perhaps…career, men, the future…and especially not feeling tired all the time. Just realized it’s kind of ironic – my working like a dog, really slaving (worked a real 16+ hour day for the first time in forever) during THE holiday that celebrates freedom from bondage. Yep. Just my luck.
For the moment, I’m glad I did something other than sleep, watch reruns of Extreme Home Makeover (artificially-enduced emotional catharsis), and work. It was weird paying 30 shekels for a 50 minute presentation on my favorite author that basically turned into a conversation with the audience of 20 that veered off at one point to Michelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel. Yeah. My kind of people. I have to say, it was worth it to sit in a room with several others who had read, not even just heard of, Connie Willis, in Israel. I adore Willis, and everyone who loves a good long read should pick up both Black Out and All Clear. Especially if you’re a WWII buff. It’s heartfelt storytelling crossed with extraordinary research – historical science fiction at its very, very best.
The bar at the corner of my street is playing dance/trans music so loud, I can feel the bass through the floor. I live on the fourth floor. And I’m at least 5 buildings down. I don’t even play my own music this loud (relatively speaking – as it now sounds in my home). Ugh. Popcorn, green tea, and Extreme Home Makeover may be in the cards tonight. Oh well. I’ll have to find earphones first. No rest for the weary.